Why I Am Not The Pioneer Woman

Have you heard about the Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond?

Of course you have.

She, who went from "spoiled city girl to domestic country wife".

She, who lives on a real ranch in Oklahoma, married to a stud she calls the Marlboro Man and does her own remodeling.

She, who takes fabulous pictures, cooks like a Cordon Bleu cowgirl, homeschools her four kids and blogs about it every single day.

She, who now has her very own cookbook and is currently on book tour for it.

Yeah, that Pioneer Woman.

You know, several years ago, I moved from a swish Massachusetts town to this suburban outpost on the rocky Maine coast.

I traded Bloomingdale's for LL Bean.

Manicures for manure.

Cashmere for polar fleece!

Well, not really.

But I suppose I could have parlayed this story into a successful blog/book/major motion picture.

But I didn't.

Because I could never homeschool my children. For one thing, they're smarter than me. Plus, it would interfere with my tennis time.

And my husband rides a bike wearing spandex, not a horse and chaps.

My dog mostly lies around hoping for peanut butter. She would not know how to herd cattle if her life depended on it.

And because I just don't have that kind of initiative, energy and drive.

Friends, that is what ultimately separates The Pioneer Woman from the rest of us.

As well as this recipe for The Best Chocolate Sheet Cake Ever.

Pioneer Woman Chocolate Sheet Cake

Combine in a mixing bowl:

2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt

In a saucepan, melt:
2 sticks butter
Add 4 heaping tablespoons cocoa. Stir together.
Add 1 cup boiling water, allow mixture to boil for 30 seconds, then turn off heat. Pour over flour mixture, and stir lightly to cool.

Pour 1/2 cup buttermilk into a measuring cup.

Add:
2 beaten eggs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
Stir buttermilk mixture into butter/chocolate mixture. Pour into sheet cake pan and bake at 350-degrees for 20 minutes.

While cake is baking, make icing:

Chop 1/2 cup pecans finely (optional).
Melt 1 3/4 sticks butter in a saucepan.
Add 4 heaping tablespoons cocoa, stir to combine, then turn off heat.

Add:
6 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 lb, minus 1/2 cup powdered sugar
Stir together.
Add pecans, stir together, and pour over warm cake.

Wait until cool, then cut into squares.

I made this cake for our kick-ass football team last week. I will make it again this week as they head into the Western Class C Championship game.
The boys ate it all before I could snap even one photo.
You'll just have to trust me when I say it really was The Best Chocolate Sheet Cake ever.